Are you «unfuckwithable»? I saw this expression somewhere on the internet* the other day and I loved it. Being unfuckwithable was explained as «when you’re truly at peace with yourself and nothing anyone says og does bothers you and no negativity can touch you». In short, it means you’re a bad ass and that you do what you want. It is a good way to live your life and I want every single reader of this blog to be that way. I want you to be unfuckwithable. Not literally, because I believe being considered «fuckable» is a good thing, but I want you to be independent, strong and happy. I want your happiness and your success to be something you yourself create, something that is not dependent on other people. Also, I want you to become totally, 100% untouchable when it comes to negativity. Here’s my personal 10 steps to become unfuckwithable:

1, Learn to live without stuff
Money is the glue that makes you stick to society. If you want to become unfuckwithable, you need to learn to live without all the stuff we think we need. I am not saying you should get rid of your car, your home, your clothes and so on, not at all. Keep all those things. But learn to live without them. Why? Because if you know that you can manage just fine with nothing, your mind and soul becomes independent. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing. Learn to survive out in the wild with no equipment at all. Which brings us to why you need to …

2, Become a survivalist
In order for you to become truly unfuckwithable, you need to have a survivalist’s mindset. You need to view every single item around you as something you could do without. This will set you free and you will learn that the level of consumption in especially Western Europe and North America is a result of a sick and bloated society. Also, you need to view every item around you as an opportunity. Do you have a kitchen knife and a steel cup? Good. With the right skillset, you can now easily make a fire and desinfect water. Do you have a phone? Even better. Call up people to open up business opportunities. Call someone who might be lonely, it will do you good as well. Do this as soon as you’ve finished reading this blogpost.

3, Learn that criticism is cheap, common and mostly uninteresting
I’ve been a novelist all my adult life. Every single time I’ve handed a new book to some publisher, that publisher has told me that I should not expect much money and often they send me a bit of ciriticism from some underpaid, unskilled consultant, a couple of pages that I usually blow my nose in. The attitude has always been that they are being very nice for publishing my book and I should be grateful. Well, guess what? Fuck that and fuck that attitude. I’ve made Norwegian publishers millions and not a single time has any of them said thanks. Sorry for the rant, but this is just a perfect example of how criticism is cheap and everywhere, while praise is rare. And yes, I do want praise when I do good. So should you. Criticism is common and everywhere — it’s simply too much of it out there. If you want to become unfuckwithable, you need to control the amount of criticism you absorb and you need to understand that criticism is mostly uninteresting. (Constructive and intelligent criticism on the other hand, is something you don’t come across often. If you do, listen and learn.)

4, Praise yourself
Learn to talk to yourself in a positive way. Learn to love yourself and the process of self-improvement. Be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday. It’s simple, really. Make small improvements in your daily routines, your diet, your social life. And praise yourself for it. Trust me, it quickly becomes a habit and a way of life.

5, Do it yourself
I started my own publishing company and published my 16th novel as an indie writer. It was hard, mentally, physically and financially (the Norwegian publishing mafia tried to break me). But I did it and I love myself for the fact that I did not give up. No truer words than «If you want something to be done, do it yourself.» were ever spoken. So if you can’t get a job, start a business. I know you can do it. I mean, a 14 year old girl in my neighborhood started a kiosk down at the beach this summer and it was a success. She couldn’t get a summer job, so she started her own business. Bring that same attitude with you into every aspect of life.

6, Don’t mind what other people think
What other people think should not be interesting to you. What that really means, is that you need to be comfortable with the fact that a lot of people won’t like you. Great freedom and independence comes to he or she who truly understands that other people’s perception of you is not your responsibility. Wear the clothes you want to wear. Say what you want (except that which would be mean to other individuals, of course). Do what you want.

7, Break the rules and use people’s anger as a guideline
As an unfuckwithable person, the world is yours. There can be no borders, no limits, no rules. I made a lot of people in the Norwegian publishing business angry when I went indie and they got even more furious when I offered the same people the opportunity to publish my 17th novel — if they could pay me more than I expect to earn by publishing on my own company. Especially that last part was hard for them to accept. They got really upset, actually. Meeting a novelist who expect to negotiate a deal — which really isn’t too much to ask when you’re doing business — was simply too much for their nerves and one woman got really angry at me. This was hilarious, of course, and it proved my point: If you want to be unfuckwithable, you need to break the rules. After all, those rules were probably made by people who only want to protect themselves. If those people get upset, you’re on the right track.

8, Be ready to break the law too
Oh yes. You read that right. If you want to be unfuckwithable, you need to accept the fact that you won’t only have to break the rules. You will have to do illegal stuff too. I have, several times, and I’m ready to do it again. I’m not talking about how I like to drive my big, old SUV across fields and take short cuts here and there, which is also illegal, I’m talking about serious stuff. I’ve been violent — I once knocked down a person who was pinning a girl up against a wall in an alley. I would have hated myself if I hadn’t broken the law that night. And yes, at least in Norway, it is illegal to violently interfere in situations like that. Which proves that some laws are morally wrong and they should not be respected. My grandfather kept illegal pamphlets during the Second World War, and another of my relatives was in the resistance and was shot by the nazis. Both broke the law. Both understood that the law should only be respected when it is morally correct. Those who are not ready to break the law are just a slaves to the system and that’s the opposite of being unfuckwithable.

9, Never give up
It goes without saying, but you can’t become unfuckwithable if you have the ability to give up. You should never give up, ever. Nothing gets easier if you give up, you’ll just face other difficulties, which is why you need to …

10. Accept that life is a struggle
Life is hard, and it doesn’t get easier. Even those people who you think have it easy, don’t. Being unfuckwithable is about freedom and you can’t be free if you refuse to accept that life will always be hard. There will always be something that’s not perfect and new problems will always surface.

So there you have it. Ten steps to become unfuckwithable. If you can think of more, let me know!

—Bjørn Andreas Bull-Hansen

*I have just been informed that the term “unfuckwithable” was originally invented by The Middle Finger Project, so feel free to take a look. However, I don’t know if there are any similarities between the use of the term on The Middle Finger Project blog and on this blog, I was actually unaware of that blog when I wrote this blogpost!

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